In my last post, I, normally a reserved person, hung a portion of my heart out there online for all to see. I did this, not because I enjoy doing so, but because of my faith that the Lord’s power comes to perfection in and through our weaknesses, as He said to Saint Paul. Not in our strengths. Not in our masks or pretenses. But in our vulnerabilities, those things that our world calls “weaknesses”. The Lord has confirmed this in my life before, time and time again. He has confirmed it, BIG time, this past weekend.
I have had more feedback about this last post than about any I have written since I began this blog in 2016. The response has been overwhelmingly positive and affirming. And that is only from the people who did send me feedback! Getting feedback online is like seeing an ant in your home. When you see one, you know there are many more you do not see. In the same way, for every person who sent me feedback, there are many others who feel the same way but who did not email me. I’m autistic. I understand that reluctance perfectly!
So, I thank each and every one of you – those who emailed me and those who did not – for your prayers, support, and words of encouragement. I heard from people I have known for a long time – relatives and parishioners from past and current assignments. I heard from people I have never met before and do not know. I have heard from fellow priests of my diocese. Msgr. Dubois, Vicar General of my diocese, emailed to assure me that Bishop Deeley and his staff have every intention of working with me to provide what I need both now and going forward. There is an old saying that the proof is in the pudding. I hope to be able to report to all of you in the not too distant future that the pudding we have come up with is very good indeed.
I am grateful for all of these people and more. I am grateful for all of you who have affirmed my call-within-a-call as a contemplative and hermit and have prayed that this calling may be fully recognized and supported. I am grateful to all those who have told me how my vulnerability has given them strength, hope and courage in their own trials.
Most of all, I find myself profoundly grateful and deeply moved by the feedback I have received from others who are on the autism spectrum. We are all human and share so much with one another. But there is a special bond that happens between people who share a specific journey or challenge. There are things that only they really understand. I have been told that I am a role model and inspiration. I have been praised for my honesty, my vulnerability, and my courage. I have been told that my struggles offer encouragement to other autistic people in their own struggles.
It is my prayer that through all of your prayers and love, I might become at least somewhat worthy of all the things you have said about me these past two days. This past year has been one of the more challenging years of my life. June and July were difficult. August was horrible. September and October have been slightly better. On the other hand, I have been graced by the Lord this past year in ways that I have never experienced before. I have also been challenged by the demonic in ways that I have never experienced before. But even this is a sign that I must somehow be on the right track – or they wouldn’t bother trying to divert me from my calling.
If my last two sentences trouble you, then think of this. I am what is called a high-functioning autistic person. We are relentlessly logical. We want evidence for everything, as much as possible. We are not given to flights of fancy. We don’t deal in hallucinations. Still, it is only logical to assume that logic alone cannot explain everything. It can eliminate any natural explanation, and then point to faith to supply the rest. And that is what I am saying here.
So, I offer you my heartfelt gratitude and love for your many wondrous words of love, faith, and support. All of you are in my daily prayers. May the Lord bless you all, and most generously, for your generous love!!!